Opinions on my memoir?

Question by 🙂: Opinions on my memoir?
I looked up as more tears began to fill my eyes,
And I saw my mother.
She didn’t deserve any of this,
And I was well unaware of why it would happen to me, to us. 
“Mommy, please take away the hurt like you usually do,”
I would ask her with a voice of innocence. 
Her elbows rested on the table so heavily
As she gently kneaded the side of her head. 
My mother opened her tired eyes and, 
In almost a whisper, explained what had happened to my “bubba”.
“Please don’t cry anymore, Mommy,” I begged. 
She grabbed my tiny hand and, by the wetness of it, 
Could tell that I had been wiping tears away with my hands, too.
I gave her a shy smile and she returned it with a loving one.
We both fixed our gaze on my brother’s room 
Down the hallway next to mine. 
“I miss him, Baby,” she would say, years later after my brother’s accident.
“I know, Mama. So do I,” would be my usual response to her. 
So, I went into my room and plopped myself down on the pillow-top mattress
That I was given for my birthday. My mother called for me.
She asked me to help her make baked ziti for dinner. 
It was my brothers favorite. 
She handed me one of her aprons
“I don’t need it, Mom.”
Her eyes narrowed.
Like cooking without an apron is worse than riding
A motorcycle without a helmet.
“Fine,” she said, “Do it your way.”
I let out a long sigh and grabbed the apron from her.
“I can never do anything right, can I?”
Now she sighs, an even longer, tired one. 
“Sarah, that’s not true.
You’re a good girl. I love you.
You know that. Don’t you?”
I nod and put on the apron. 
I had forgotten that the best part to living was the life.
My mother, who had wasted so many years grieving over my brother,
Had forgotten how to live again. I had stopped believing in myself.
I asked my mother to just take a seat in the living room and 
I would prepare the dinner that evening. I cooked and 
Came back to life. After Danny’s death, I had stopped doing
Something that I had loved so much as a child. Visions of him 
Running into the kitchen while I helped my mother bake 
Cookies flashed through my mind. 
Frame by frame like an old-school movie.
Yes, I missed him. But, after my Mama tasted the dinner that
I had made with no help from her, I forgot all about the loss of Danny,
And I focused on the life of life. In a way, I realized, I had made something
So negative into something positive.

Best answer:

Answer by bgee2001ca
It is certainly heart felt, but needs some work with syntax, and punctuation.
Keep at it and you will have a successful memoir.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

This Cebuano / Visayan film was written because of the rising cases of motorcycle accidents, Energizer Philippines commission Raymond Aquino to write & direct a safety video. All the actors were company employees and were given a half day acting workshop. The purpose of the video was to create awareness about driving safely. Instead of writing it as a boring “safety lecture”, I decided to create a story as a container to carry the ideas forward. I hope that this Cebuano film will encourage people to drive safely. This movie was shot in Cebu, Philippines.

check out these motorcycle accidents products

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